I’ve been in a really dark place the last couple of months. Let’s just say I’ve been depressed. Graduating and not having a job gave me this weird sense of emptiness and lack of purpose. I never knew what depression felt like before. And now that I’m climbing out of it, I know I wasn’t in a good place.
I’ve always been extremely anti-social, spending the majority of my time locked up in my room, talking to no one and not wanting to do anything. I’m so lucky that I have a few friends who are willing and patient enough to say, “This isn’t healthy, let’s go out.” I’ve been spending more and more time with friends. Talking and walking about. A few days ago, they came over and we spent the night with our feet in a hot tub talking about everything and then a late night drive for food. Yesterday, we walked for an hour or so around town. This might seem like nothing to you guys, but for me ….. I haven’t hung out like that with friends for over 2 years. So it’s kind of like a big deal. We aren’t super close, but it’s nice to know that people do care about you and want to get to know you, if only given the chance. I honestly never believed that other people besides those who we get intimate with seriously could make you feel good.
We all have our dark times and for those who do, it does get better. You will smile more genuinely and laugh more sincerely. I had a post before that said, “I used to be so happy.” And that’s true. I’m not as happy as I remember myself alway being and I don’t know what caused it. But I am willing to get that back. I know I’m going to have my ups and downs and I can only wish I could be this content forever. But that’s never the case, is it?